Having a Martha Heart in a Mary (Merry) Household...

            Okay, I don’t know about you but every time I hear the story of Mary and Martha I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Martha.  Now I know that isn’t the “proper” response, certainly we see from Scripture that Mary “chose the better thing.”  I am just saying that if Martha hadn’t been there then there would have been a houseful of hungry men.  Seriously, think about it.  Martha was busy preparing a meal and doing “all the work to be done.”  It’s not like she was doing unnecessary things for Pete sake.  I mean somebody had to do the work that needed to be done while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. 

            So am I the only one who has thought of this?  Is there anyone else out there who can relate way more to Martha than to Mary?  (I hope so!) It seems it is the same way in my own house, I suppose I could be seen as a “fun vacuum” if you ask my kids or husband, Jerry.  However, if everyone is having fun then who is going to fold the socks?  And I like flash light tag as much as the next gal but if no one cleans a path through the house then someone is going to wind up wounded when the lights are out.  So is there a way to balance a Martha heart with a Merry household?  Well, maybe…

            First let’s look at what Mary was doing.  The Scripture says she was “sitting at the feet of Jesus.”  Now this simply means that she was receiving instruction from him, she was learning from His teaching.  I will, sheepishly, admit that when I am preparing supper and Jerry is sitting on the couch I am quite easily angered, even if he is reading his Bible.  Sure, He is doing the better thing but won’t our children starve if one of us doesn’t cook for them.  Okay, back to Mary, it is safe to assume she was not playing a game of Chutes and Ladders or watching the newest video.  She was soaking up wisdom from the King of Kings, her Savior. 

Maybe that is the key, what the person is doing, so is it okay to ask your kids to do a chore (or two or three) when they would rather be playing?  I think even Jesus would agree that it is okay.  Playing and sitting at Jesus’ feet are two different things!  The trick is to find a balance.  The Scripture is filled with verses that talk about the value of hard work and not being lazy.  In fact Proverbs 19:15 states, “Laziness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle man will suffer hunger.”  My dad always said it like this, “You don’t work, you don’t eat!”  Verse 26 in chapter 10 of Proverbs says, “Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the lazy one to those who send him. 

I think it is safe to say then that Mary was not being lazy when she chose to sit at Jesus feet, but Martha was not being lazy either so why does she get a rebuke from the Lord?  Well, let’s take a look at what she was doing.  She was busy doing the housework, type A personality for sure, but I can just imagine how things were playing out for her.  After all I have found myself, once or twice, in her shoes. 

She wakes up knowing that there is a lot to accomplish this day before her guests arrive.  My guess is that she rushed through breakfast, handing out orders and shared her expectations all the way through.  Or maybe she didn’t even communicate those expectations; after all, Mary should know what needs to be done without being told.  Next, Martha whipped out her “to do list” and began checking things off.  “Build a fire in the stove, check, put on water, check, chop vegetables for a salad, check, knead the bread dough, check….  All the while Mary is nowhere to be seen and Martha slowly begins to boil inwardly.  With each passing task Martha gets a little madder until she finally “blows.”  She looks in and here is Jesus and the disciples with…what…what is she doing in there….  So Martha marches in and declares, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me alone to do all the work?  Tell her to help me.”    Now Martha is expecting the Lord to side with her; she is hoping He will chastise Mary and set things right.  Imagine her surprise and hurt when He answers instead, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things.  Only one thing is important.  Mary has chosen the better thing, and it will never be taken away from her.”  I don’t suppose that made Martha feel an ounce better, and I have to admit it leaves me a bit puzzled also.  Here is Martha working her tail off trying to get things ready for Jesus and His disciples and Jesus tells her, “Mary has chosen the better thing.”  I imagine that Martha was expecting more along the lines of a word of thanks not a rebuke from the Lord. 

So why did Jesus respond to her this way?  Well 2 Samuel tells us that, “Man looks on the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart” and I imagine that is where the answer lies.  Jesus knew Martha’s heart.  Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”  Martha’s morning work had more to do with her than with being a servant.  I know this because as I have already confessed, I am a Martha.  I clean the house and run around like a mad woman when we are having people over because I want them to think well of me.  I am not doing it as a service to them or to my family.  Does that make sense?  It really is more about me than about serving company.  In trying to explain the frenzy that sets in upon the mere mention of company I have often said, “No one is going to leave this house and say, ‘That Jerry Graham is a terrible housekeeper.’ If we were honest most of us would probably admit that we think a messy house is a reflection on the lady of the house, right?  Martha, being the oldest sister was seen as the one in charge and so this may explain why she was worried about all the house work.  Oh, but there is a difference between being hospitable and being welcoming.

Or maybe it was something else.  Maybe she wanted to be recognized for all her hard work.  Look at me, look what I am doing for you, Jesus.  Have any of us ever felt that way?  Modern psychology would call it the “martyr syndrome.” Again I admit, I have often worked long into the night feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how lucky my family is to have me.  Pretty arrogant, huh?  Or I have worked long and hard on something, more for the praise than because I wanted to serve whoever it was for.  Paul reminds us though, in Ephesians (2:8-9) that we are saved by grace and not by the work we do so that we will not get caught up in boasting.  Well I haven’t got all the answers, that is for sure but I am pretty sure it is okay to have a little bit of Martha in you…just be sure to balance that with a Mary (merry) heart.  “A heart at peace gives life to the body…” Proverbs 14:30

Would love to hear your thoughts!

I can't find my Big Girl Panties......

I can't find them anywhere...I have searched everywhere but my big girl panties are no where to be found. Bottom drawer?  Nope.  Closet?  Not there.  Oh where oh where could they be?

Can you relate?  That is how I have been feeling lately.   You see, 2011 was one of the hardest years of my life.  I have been stretched and pulled in more ways that I even knew possible. And then, just recently I have been facing the sickness and loss of my dad.  In the final week of his life, things were pretty intense.  You see, my dad hasn't spoken to me much in the last four years.   Ever since my niece came to live in our home, and he found out that I am the person who broke our families "Code of silence," I have been on the outside looking in.  Don't get me wrong, I have tried to reconcile the relationship.  I asked my dad repeatedly to sit down with me and the pastor of his choosing, but he refused every time.  I have prayed consistently for God to move so that we could work things out.  So, when I got the call that he was in the hospital, I thought this might be our chance.  I hoped beyond hope that he would wake up and hug me and tell me that he loved me.  It was the perfect ending to a sad story....and I didn't mind telling God my plan!

However, as I sat and watched the life drain out of my dad, as I watched the ventilator pump each breath into his struggling lungs, my hope began to slip away.  It was harder and harder to go down each day, to face the fact that we were going to have to say goodbye with this unresolved issue between us.  And then came the critics, it was clear pretty quickly that my dad had been saying some unkind, and untruthful things about me.  Some people were outright unkind.  My sister and I chose to sit in a different waiting room to reduce the tension. I even had a gentlemen from my dad's church tell me, "I am glad you have to sit in a different waiting room, it is what you deserve."  My heart was crushed and it was harder than ever to go down to the hospital.  I knew in my head that I needed to "suck it up" but each day was harder and harder.  And that is when it happen, I woke up and started to get prepared to go to the hospital but no matter how hard I looked, I could not find my big girl panties.  All I really wanted to do was crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head, and wait for it all to just go away.   Truth be told, I didn't even want to look for my big girl panties any more.  My heart was wounded, my soul was weary, and I was done.

Have you ever been there?  What has life handed you that you cannot bear to face even one more day?  This last few days, I have had the privilege of sitting under the teaching of Rhea Brisco and I want to share with you how God helped me find my big girl panties.

You are probably aware of the story of Lazarus' resurrection from the dead, but let's revisit it for a minute.  The story can be read in John chapter 11.  As we begin the story, we see that a messenger is sent to tell Jesus that Lazarus is sick.  Let's pick up the story starting at verse 4:

⁴ When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” ⁵ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. ⁶ So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, ⁷ and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

A couple of things I want to point out here, 1- Jesus gave a promise that the end of the story was not death and 2- Jesus loved Mary. Martha, and Lazarus but he delayed 2 days before heading to attend to them.  

However, imagine being the messenger as he returns to Bethany to deliver this message, "This sickness will not end in death" but he has to deliver it over the very dead body of Lazarus.  The promise from Jesus did not seem to be true.  Mary and Martha are brokenhearted, not only did Jesus (the man who healed perfect strangers) not come to heal their brother (whom he loved) but he hadn't even showed up to mourn his loss.  These girls moved forward in their grief, they buried their brother and began the mourning process.  But then Jesus shows up John says in verse 20, "When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home."  I can't help but wonder if Mary was mad..."well now he shows up, well if he thinks I am running out to greet him he has another thing coming..." or if she just couldn't find her big girl panties.  Martha talks with Jesus and tells him that if he had only come sooner Lazarus would not have died.  And Jesus tries to explain that Lazarus will be resurrected, but Martha's reality doesn't allow her to make sense of what Jesus is saying.  Thank goodness that Jesus is not limited by our reality! 

The group moves on, and ends up outside the tomb of Lazarus.  The crowd is gathering and criticism begins flying John 11 ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

Jesus doesn't even waiver...He has a job to do and He will not allow the critics to shake Him.   He tells them to move the stone away.  Rhea pointed out that Jesus was powerful enough to just have Lazarus walk right through the tomb, without moving the stone at all, but he wanted them to take action, to walk in obedience and to roll the stone away.  The always practical Martha was quick to point out that it would stink if they rolled the stone away, after all, Lazarus had been dead for 4 days. She knew because she had put him there, and when she did she buried all hope of a healing, and all belief in the promise from Jesus that "This sickness will not end in death."   Martha wanted to believe but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, no big girl panties for her.

The end of the story is a good one, Lazarus does come strolling out of the tomb, he is covered in grave cloth but he is not stinky, he is alive!  And the hope that Martha and Mary had buried four days earlier, it has been resurrected!

Isn't that just like Jesus?  He heard their cries, he kept His promises, all in God's perfect time and in God's perfect way. Mary and Martha had told God their plan but Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a person’s heart,but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." So, if you are still struggling to find your big girl panties, trust that the God who formed you and planned your days, trust that He knows right where they are, and even better, right where you are!