Thursday, August 6, 2015

Weepy Worship

I am a runner.  Now if you know me at all you are shaking your head in unbelief, because I do not have the body of a runner.  That is because I am not THAT kind of runner.  Running is how I cope with life when it gets too hard.  I stay busy, I clean, I mow, I cook, I do anything but slow down.  Down time means thinking and I would rather not.  Today marks 150 days of this new normal that we are walking....well maybe crawling is a better word, through.  150 days and still my heart is so broken.  I am going through the motions of the day to day, meeting all of the requirements that are expected of me, and staying busy.

The problem with this practiced approach is that while I am "running" I often time miss God.  The Bible is clear is Psalm 46 verse 10 that we are to, "Be still and know that I am God."  Well, I know He is God but the be still part...I am not so good at that and when I have dared to slow down enough to feel the hurt, I have been overwhelmed with emotions and pain.  So I start running again.

You know what I love about God?  Well, there are countless things I love about God but in particular He does not allow us to stay stuck.  For awhile, God has allowed me to stay busy.  He has nudged me a few times with gentle reminders to stop and dwell in His presence, but I have continued full speed ahead with my busyness. So He stepped up his nudges!  A few weeks ago I was in church when the praise team struck up the first few chords of one of my favorite song.  Not only my favorite song but a song that echos what I hope my life will reflect at the end of my days.  Before a single word was sung, I knew I was in trouble.  I seriously thought about bolting for the door but 1- It would look a bit odd for the pastor's wife to make a run for the exit and 2- as said pastor's wife, I was sitting in the very front of the church.  So tears began to stream down my face (at least I was in the front so I could hide my face) and God got my attention. I spent the next 10 minutes trying to maintain my composure and God and I began to work through some of my heartache. (We are still working on this but I allowed God to get my attention!)

Maybe you are also walking through, "The valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23) and you've tried to outrun your emotions or even God himself.  Let's be honest, life is hard sometimes...maybe even more than sometimes, maybe often...but there is still hope.  The God who loved us enough to send His son to die on the cross for you and me still sits on the throne.  He is patiently waiting to walk you through this battle.  He still has a plan for us, and in the end He still wins and despite my heavy heart, that makes me feel like singing that song I mentioned.  Will you sing with me? 

Jesus Draw Me Nearer

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial                                 
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

Music by Keith Getty; Words by Margaret Becker
Copyright © 2002 Thankyou Music