Content in ALL Circumstances

My sweet baby D's birthday was this past week.  It was an incredibly difficult day for all of us here as we didn't get to celebrate it with him.  There was no cake and ice cream for breakfast.  No balloons, no streamers, no pictures.

It has been 77 days since we have seen his sweet face.  Most days it still seems as if we will never get out of this dark valley we are walking through.  Every once in awhile I see a little glimmer of light on the horizon but it quickly fades as reality once again sets in.  This is a hard place to be.

It would be an easy jump to leap into a giant pity party. Or to grow angry.  Angry with the foster care system, angry with the judge, angry with dishonest caseworkers, angry with God.  It is something I must choose to fight against, sometimes minute by minute.  In fact the new catch phrase at the Graham house has become, "Focus on your blessings rather than your burdens," as we work to encourage each other through this new normal. 

As I was thinking about all of this yesterday, it made me remember a conversation I had recently with my 7 year old.  It was Easter time and we attended the community Easter egg hunt.  As we arrived, children were divided according to their age group and given a specific area to hunt.  Within each area were 3 prize eggs: 1 golden egg, 1 egg marked with an "X" for a boy and one egg marked with an "X" for a girl.  As we set off on our hunt, my girl was quite lucky.  Among her treasures, were both the "X" egg and the golden egg.  As we headed to turn in our treasures I decided this would be a great teachable moment.  I pulled Skyler aside and asked her to think about others in her age group.  There were a lot of other kids and I wanted her to share one of her prize eggs.  We talked about how it would be kind to give one of the two eggs to someone else so they could have a special prize too.  I told her that it wasn't really fair for her to have 2 prizes when others had none and asked her to give the girl egg to someone else because the golden egg was probably the grand prize.  With much encouragement, Skyler kept the golden egg and gave the "X" egg to another girl in her age group.

As it turns out, the big prize was for the egg with the "X."  The little girl Skyler gave this to received a huge Easter egg basket filled with toys and candy. When Skyler turned in her golden egg she got a chocolate bunny.  To say she was mad is an understatement.  All the way home she complained and grumped about not getting the big prize because I made her give it away.  I listened to her whine for a bit but after about 10 minutes, I had had enough.  I sat her down and talked with her about the situation.  I reminded her that when she went up to the egg hunt, she went with nothing but an empty basket and now she was coming home with not only a bunch of eggs, but also a chocolate bunny.  I tried to help her see that she came home with more than she went with.  I would love to say that my pep talk worked and she skipped off merrily into the sunset counting her eggs (and blessings), but not all endings are storybook endings.  I am pretty sure that if you ask Skyler about it now, a month later, she will still be mad.  She may never forgive me for this moment! 

At least not until she is older and wiser like me.  I mean I would never react like that. 

Or would I?  Maybe a better question is, am I?  If I am honest, and I always try to be, I would have to shamefully admit that I am behaving the same way.  I wanted the grand prize...I wanted the boys to stay here with us. If they are here I know they are safe, well cared for, and loved.  I don't want to be satisfied with the chocolate bunny of the 2 and 3 years we had them here.  I want the whole basket.  I have come home from the party sulky and mad.  I did not get what I wanted, and it is not fair. 

I can imagine Jesus pulling me to the side and reminding me..."Marla, you came to the party with nothing, and you went home with a full basket."  I wonder if He is as weary of my whining as I was of Skyler's?  My home is still overflowing with blessings.  I have a husband who serves the Lord with all he has and who loves me.  I have a houseful of children and we have been celebrating things like marriage and graduation these last few years.  My children are all walking with the Lord, I have a nice home and a warm bed. The list could go on and on.  But still I whine. 

I imagine the Apostle Paul may have had a similar struggle before coming to the place where he was able to pen these words: (red words mine!)

Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned [am learning] to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned [am learning] the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

 Thank you for your prayers and encouragement as we walk this road and I hope you will be encouraged to learn with us to be content in ALL things.

Blessings,

Marla

Pity Party, Party of One...

I think we have all been there, drug down by the disappointments of life and discouraged with the way things have turned out.  That is how I was feeling all of last week.  Overwhelmed with responsibilities, discouraged by many failures (namely potty training), and frustrated with the ever slow wheels of justice as we battle for these precious kids that have been placed with us.

I moped around most of Monday, barely accomplishing the minimum that was required.  Tuesday was not much better and by Wednesday it was a full out Pity Party.  If life would have let me, I would have stayed in bed.  But woe is me, these kids demanded my time and attention!  By Wednesday night, when the rest of my family was heading out to church, and I was staying home with tired little ones, I was well on my way to becoming Eeyore.  You know from Winnie the Pooh?  The sad little donkey who is always so glum.  "Oh bother!"

I have always loved Eeyore, my heart just melts at his sad little outlook on life. But, you know what I noticed about Eeyore?  No one lives with him, he lives all alone in his damp house in the Hundred Acre Woods.  Ok, ok...all of the characters in the story except Kanga and Roo live alone, but when you read the books or watch the cartoon, they are always at each others houses, except at Eeyore's.  It seems that everyone loves Eeyore, but no one is in a grand hurry to spend time with him.  Hmmmm....

I suppose that was much like me last week, who wants to hang out with a glummy gus, a girl sitting around feeling sorry for herself.  As I was thinking through things and muddling about my week, this phrase came into my head, "Pity party, party of one."  Over and over I heard that and it made me giggle.  You know when you go out to eat at a busy restaurant and they take your name and ask how many people are in your party, then when your table is ready they call out, "Graham, party of 9?"  Well that is what I was envisioning, and you know what?  No one wanted to join my pity party.

Why would they?  There were no balloons and streamers, geesh there were no decorations at all.  Cake and ice cream?  I don't think so....there was nothing to celebrate here.  Reminds me of Eeyore's words to Pooh, "Good morning, Pooh Bear...if it is a good morning.  Which I doubt!"

Now something is wrong with this picture, parties are for celebrations, for embracing life and praising God for whatever blessing is being celebrated.  Sometimes as believers we live under this false idea that everything is going to be easy, that once we accept Christ as our Savior we will have smooth sailing.  I have read my Bible from cover to cover, and you know what?  Nowhere in those pages does it say that this life is going to be easy.  In fact 1 Peter 4:12-13 says just the opposite, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."  So why on earth are we wasting time feeling sorry for ourselves?  Time for a little perspective adjustment I guess...think I will go sit down and make a list of all my blessings instead of all my problems, then I can have a blessings party...party of many, want to join me?  I hope you will!

Here's where I am starting:
1. I am redeemed by a Savior who gave his life for me.
2. I am blessed with 7, soon to be 8, beautiful, healthy babies.
3. I have a husband who loves me.
4.  I have a warm place to sleep and warm food to eat.



  

There Is A Balm in Gilead

Jeremiah is one of my favorite Old Testament figures. He had a heart for his people and spent countless hours crying out to the Lord on their behalf. The rest of his time was spent trying to redirect the misguided steps of his fellow Israelites.

Perhaps you have heard the popular song by Three Dog Night entitled, "Joy to the World." Well if you are familiar with it then you can smile at my rewrite in honor of my own sweet Jeremiah, "Jeremiah was a prophet, in Old Testament times, people never listened to a word he said and he was crying all the time, singing,'woe to the world, all the boys and girls, woe to the fishes in the deep blue sue, and woe to you and me."

Truth is though, there wasn't too much to smile about in Jeremiah's day. The Israelites were in exile in Babylon. They had been use to living the good life but that time had come and gone. Along comes Jeremiah and he is brokenhearted at the fate of his people. So he cries out to God in Jeremiah chapter 8, "Since my people are crushed, I am crushed. I mourn and horror grips me. Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?" (Gilead was a city that was known for its herbs and medical spices used in healing)

Essentially Jeremiah was asking, "Where is God in all of this suffering?" And that is a question I have asked a time or two (or ten) myself. In fact, I've been asking it pretty often here lately, but I met with a friend today who helped me see that I am exhausted, not because God hasn't shown up but because I am running ahead of Him, not waiting to see what His plan is or what He is doing that I cannot see. I may have been a little distracted by all the work that has gone into planning my pity party also.

As humbling as it is to admit, I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself and bordering dangerously on the edge of becoming like Job's wife. I have been thinking about all I have done to make this situation right with my nephew and niece and grumbling about the fact that it seems that I am doing all the work and God isn't showing up to do His share. And then I read Isaiah 43:19, "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Maybe you have heard the old Spiritual, "There is a Balm in Gilead" but the words ring just as true today as when it was first penned: "There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole. There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul."

Are you weary? Are you hurting, too wounded to crawl out of bed and face the day? Jeremiah could relate, hey, I can relate! So let me first say that I am sorry for whatever life has handed you that is taking the wind out of your sails, and second I want to remind you that there is a balm in Gilead, and in LaMoille, and in whatever city you are sitting in right now. The same God who heard Jeremiah's cries hears yours. And just as He was faithful back then, He is faithful today. Maybe you can't see what He is doing, but trust me friend, He is doing something!