Foster parenting and terminal illness

So you might be asking what foster parenting has to do with terminal illness...it does seem like a strange connection, but it is the only way I can describe what we are now walking through.

When you enter the world of foster care, you always know that there is the possibility that these precious babies will one day be returned to the birth parents. In fact, a part of you hopes that this is exactly what happens because it means a restoration...something broken is now repaired.  Parents who were struggling have gotten the needed help and are now ready to reengage in the life of their children.  This is the goal of foster care.  But, I would be lying if I said that that this is easy.

To be a good foster parent, you must fall in love with these children from the very beginning of their placement.  They need love more than anything else in this world.  (Except Jesus, but He is love, right?)  So on one hand you are committing to love and treasure this child for some unknown amount of time all the while being ready to walk away without question when the courts or social service agencies tell you to.  Often times, you are allowed no further contact once reunification takes place.  Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?

For starters, what message does it send the child?  Do they not wonder if you no longer care?  Do they not feel a new sense of abandonment?  Oh friends, this system is so broken, a system intended to help children seems to be causing even more harm.

And that is if the birth parents really have worked to get healthy.  What happens when that is not the case and the children return home, to the same broken situation they were removed from?  Then what?  How is a foster parent supposed to feel?  What is "socially acceptable?"

I don't know the answer to that question; I only know how I feel.  These last few weeks we have been preparing our hearts (as best as we can) for the beginning process of two of our babies transitioning home.  This transition is happening, not because the parents have worked to "get better" but rather because the social service agency failed to do their job and these babies have fallen through the bureaucratic cracks.  Because of confidentiality, I cannot go into details but if I did, I assure you that your heart would be sickened.  I have literally been told by a caseworker that, "It is not a matter of if these kids will get hurt, but when," and yet I have to allow them to begin having overnights as we prepare for full transition.  So how do I feel?

I feel like I am sitting in a conference room at a hospital.  The team of doctors are all looking at me with serious, frightening faces.  My stomach is turning and threatens to spill as I prepare to hear their words.  The doctor in charge pulls his chair up next to me and begins, "I am sorry to give you this news, but the results are in and I am afraid their is nothing we can do."

The room starts spinning as I try to focus on what he is saying, "... terminal and it seems there is no hope... try some new treatments but ... no guarantees ..."

My sobs escape from somewhere deep inside my body. I am no longer able to contain my emotions or the contents of my stomach.  The hopelessness feels like it is suffocating me and I struggle for each breath.  Someone is asking if I am ok, if there is anything they can do, but I have no answers.

This is a dark, dark place.  This place of no hope.  And this is where I am, foster parenting and terminal illness. 

I honestly do not know how we will be able to walk this road, how we will do what we are required to do, but I do know that God is still God, He is still good, and He is still on the throne.  I guess this is where faith comes in, trusting God even when I cannot see past the hopelessness.  I blogged about Hope and its opposite, Anxiety a few years ago and as I was rereading those words, I was reminded of this verse in Hebrews:

Hebrews 10:35-36 “Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.  For you have need of endurance so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.”

So as I sit hear in the dark, trying to find that confidence I have lost sight of, I will call on the endurance that comes from knowing I have done all that Christ has asked me to, and then I will TRY to rest in what He has promised.

So as I close, I ask you to please, please pray for us in these next few days and weeks as we cling to the promises these two songs remind us of...

I Will Praise You in This Storm, Casting Crowns  and

Bring the Rain, Mercy Me

I've Got This!

It's probably just me, but does anyone else out there spend time worrying and fretting about all sorts of things?  Just last night I was tossing and turning in bed trying to turn my brain off and get some rest.  This is a problem I have wrestled with for as long as I can remember.  I know.  I know...you are all getting ready to quote the verses from Matthew 6 about worrying to me.  Well, at least that is what my husband usually does, so I know the verses, but in case you don't this is what they say:

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I have jokingly told my husband that I think the punctuation in verse 27 is incorrect and should read more like a challenge than a question. “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life!?”  And I am answering, “Well, I’m sure trying!”  

The truth is that worry just robs you of peace and accomplishes nothing.  You cannot change anything simply by worrying, but prayer…well that is a different story!  Prayer can change EVERYTHING!  Philippians 4:6 has the better answer, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” 

Awhile back I was busy doing about 10 things at once when my 5 year old asked me to make her a sandwich.  I told her that I would make lunch as soon as I finished up the task I was working on.  As I was finishing up, the phone rang and I got distracted with the phone call.  I looked up to see my little girl making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for her brother and her.  I hung up the phone and apologized to her for being distracted.  She looked up at me and smiled giving me a thumbs up she said, “Don’t worry mom, I’ve got this!” 

I wonder how many times God says that to me?  After I have tossed and turned for hours fretting over the latest dilemma, when I finally cry out to God in prayer, does he look down at me, smile and give me a thumbs up…”Don’t worry daughter, I’ve got this.” 

So the next time you are robbed of peace because of the anxiety pounding on your front door, I hope you will remember not to be anxious about ANYTHING but in EVERY situation, cry out to God, because He’s got this!  

Steps to PEACE

Boy oh boy has it been a rough summer, for the first time ever, I am actually glad to see summer end. You see, in April, I found out I was losing my job, in May I turned the big 40 (ugggh), in June we found out that the baby we have loved for almost a year was going to be leaving our home, Jeremiah had an emergency appendectomy and Jerry left for 2 weeks on a mission trip, in July the baby went home and Jerry became very sick with what we now know is Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. It was a rough summer!

In the midst of the sadness, disappointment, and chaos I must admit that I began to lose focus and there was no peace in our home. Then God began to get my attention. First I met with a friend who reminded me that fear is the opposite of faith, then I picked up a book by Joyce Meyers, The Battlefield of the Mind, and began to read realizing where I began to lose the battle of having peace despite my circumstances.

I am going to guess that I am not the only one who has faced hard times and I am probably not the only one who has allowed myself to lose sight of the peace that comes from Christ. So today I wanted to share with you some steps to finding peace.

First, We MUST keep your eye on the Savior rather than the situation. Matthew 19:26 tells us of a time when the disciples were baffled by some teaching Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” It is so easy to get bogged down with our circumstances and lose sight of the promises of Christ. For goodnes sake, we are standing knee deep in the circumstance and it demands our attention, but we have to make a conscious choice to keep our eyes on Christ.

Second, We need to pray and not panic. I don't know about you but I can tell you that when a crisis hits I often forget to just stop and pray but Matthew 7:7-11 tells us to “7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" We need to go to God first, not to our friends, not to the box of chocolates or bowl of ice cream, not on a retail therapy trip, or whatever else it is that would distract us from going to Christ.

Third,we must have faith and not fear. I admit it is hard when we face unknowns but Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is, "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." So that means choosing faith over fear even when we don't know what the tomorrow holds, because we know WHO holds the future. In fact Hebrews 11 goes on to say in verse 6 that "without faith it is impossible to please God."

So my question to you today is, what is holding you back from having peace? Remember satan is a thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy but Jesus came so that we may have life, not just a barely surviving life but an abundant life, to the full. (John 10:10)