Happily Ever After

Oh I love a happy ending, don't you?  After all, every fairy tale I have ever read ends with, "and they lived happily ever after."  But, I suppose the key word there is "fairy" tale...as in not real life, because if I have learned anything in these 40 plus years I have walked here on earth, it is that life does not always have a "happily ever after" ending.  oh there may be a chapter or two, even more for some of us, but not every chapter ends that way.  I was reminded of this once again last February when my dad turned the last page of his book and passed away.

As a little girl, my daddy had always been my hero, and though he wasn't perfect, you wouldn't have been able to convince me that he was anything but wonderful.  When my nephew was killed back in 1998, I began to see a different person take over where my dad had been.  We still had a decent relationship, but my dad began to change, and then in July of 2007 our relationship took a terrible turn.  That is when my niece came to live with us and things between dad and I got pretty choppy.  My dad blamed me for the things that were happening with my brother, and eventually he stopped talking to me all together.

Of course, I hoped and prayed for reconciliation.  I offered to meet with him and the pastor of his choosing more times than I can even count, but always he refused.  He had a heart attack in 2008 and I thought that this may be our chance for the "happily ever after," but it only deepened the ever growing canyon between us.  Many nights I spent restless and broken at the distance that had come between us, and as I lay awake I began to paint a "happily ever after" picture in my head.  I knew that God desires reconciliation, I knew that I was willing, and that my dad was a professing Christian, so I was convinced that it would happen.  (See 2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

In February of this year, I received news that my dad had been rushed to the hospital.  Once again the hope of reconciliation rose up in me.  Jerry and I went to the hospital, and spent the next week traveling back and forth there.  I sat beside my dad's bed and held his hand, closer than I had been to him in 5 years.  As I sat there I prayed that he would wake up and we could talk through all of the things that had driven a wedge between us.  I played out the conversations in my head, what I would say, what he would say...I was well on my way to that "happily ever after" ending.

As I went to the hospital each day I was faced with many reminders of how unsettled things had become between Dad and I.  Several of my dad's family members treated me unkindly, and one of my dad's friends from his church spoke very unkind words to me, making an already painful situation even more difficult.  (For the full story you can read my March 2012 blog,"I Can't Find My Big Girl Panties..."

Sadly, my dad never did wake up, we never had our chance to talk through the trouble that had grown up between us, and I never got to hear the words I so desperately wanted to hear, "I love you Marla."  The happily ever after never came, and even as I type this almost one year later, my heart is still heavy with the reality of it all.  The visitation and funeral only served as reminders of just how permanent the distance between my dad and I would remain.  I was filled with conflicting emotions of love, anger, and regret.  This was not the way the story was suppose to end!  What happened to "happily ever after?"

As the story unfolded I couldn't help but question, is God a God of "happily ever after" endings or isn't He?  I mean He is in the business of reconciliation, right?  It is why He sent His son to die on the cross for us, so that we could be reconciled to Him.  (Again See 2 Corinthians 5:18-19)  Well, in truth, God is all for "happily ever after" I have read the end of His book, and for those who choose to believe and become followers of Him, the story does indeed end well.  The key is, that God is a gentleman, and He allows us to choose for ourselves.  We will all have to live with the choices we make, and for those of us who choose well, the ending is very happy. The ending to my dad and I's story, may not have been the ending I had hoped for, but the choices we each made resulted in the story being written as it was.

Though I am sad at how the last chapter of our story together ended, I am reminded again of the truth of God's word in Isaiah 40:31, "But those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  I am reminded that what I can hope and count on is the Lord.  So often I want to hope in other people, I want to be able to count on this person or that person to fulfill a need I have, but the truth is that people will disappoint us. But God, now that is a different story!  He will NEVER disappoint us, NEVER leave us, NEVER forsake us!

He wants to be the author of our everyday story, and I promise, if we trust in Him, we will indeed live happily ever after!

Comments or Questions?  I would love to hear them!

Even Prince Charming...

Ah, Price Charming, the fictional man that women search for and men...well, men hate!  As little girls, we begin hearing and watching tales of this heroic young man long before we even know how to read!  We dress up in our "Princess" clothes and wait to be rescued.

In my house, we actually have a Prince Charming!  From about the time my youngest daughter was three, she has referred to her oldest brother, now 17, as "Charming!  The first time it happen, she was lying in bed with me and a spider crawled across my ceiling.  She began yelling, "Charming, Charming...come rescue me!"  My son came in, killed the spider and told her that he was not Prince Charming.  She was not deterred, and even now will holler out,  "Charming, Charming...come rescue me,"  whenever she is in "danger."

Skyler's desire to be rescued by Charming echos the heart of so many grown women, including, at times, myself.  You see we grow up hearing the fairy tales and then we begin our own quest for Prince Charming, we find him and marry him and often, he turns into a frog!  So what happened?  Was he a frog all along, or is there something wrong with our thinking?  And maybe, just maybe, we aren't the princess we started out to be?

This past week I celebrated my 19th wedding anniversary.  My husband and I started celebrating about 1:30 in the morning when our 4 month old woke up, and woke his 20 month old brother up to join the fun.  Apparently they had planned an early morning surprise party for us, that lasted until well after 4 AM!  To add to the fun, while unplugging an alarm clock from a kitchen outlet, flames shot out and caused the circuit breakers to pop.  By 7 AM I was covered in baby puke and at just after 8, my husband called to tell me that our BRAND NEW van was broken down and would require a tow back to the dealership.  None of this was a part of my fairytale anniversary plan.

In my ladies Sunday School class, we are studying Joyce Meyers, Battlefield of the Mind, and we just wrapped up our study of Chapter 14 where Meyers talks about the importance of right thinking and of filling our minds full of truth rather than wishes!  She shares the story of a woman whose life was in shambles and who had actually come to the point of despising her husband.  She prayed diligently for things to change but it wasn't until she discovered the error in her thinking that things began to look up.  She realized that she was, "mentally living in a world that did not exist and never would.  Therefore she was totally unprepared to deal with reality." (Meyers)

As we began to discuss this story, one of the experienced ladies in our group made this statement, "Girls, even Prince Charming farts."  Of course we all giggled, but then we began to think about the truth of that statement.  No person is perfect, I am certainly not, so why is it that I would expect my spouse to be?  He is human, he makes mistakes, and though he is my Prince Charming, he is not perfect.  We look at other couples and think, if only my husband was like that then I would be happy.  We watch the latest Nicholas Sparks film and think, "Oh I wish my husband would behave that way."  And often times, I let my idea of what should be spoil what is.  I get an idea in my head and allow it to tint everything else I see. 


How about you?  Have you painted some picture of "happily ever after" only to be disillusioned when reality came knocking? I encourage you to give your thoughts the truth test this week and see if it changes anything for you.  The test comes from Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  So is this thought true?  If not toss it out and replace it with the truth.  Well maybe it is true but is it noble?  No?  Then why are you letting it take up space in your mind?  Go through the entire verse and put your thoughts to the the test.  Remember to that when we look at other couples, we are looking from the outside and have no idea what may truly be going on.  And as for the latest Nicholas Sparks tale, well it is considered fiction for a reason!

I am praying today for your marriage, and for mine!  Let me know how that truth test goes for you!  I always love hearing from you!
Blessings, Marla