I can't find my Big Girl Panties......

I can't find them anywhere...I have searched everywhere but my big girl panties are no where to be found. Bottom drawer?  Nope.  Closet?  Not there.  Oh where oh where could they be?

Can you relate?  That is how I have been feeling lately.   You see, 2011 was one of the hardest years of my life.  I have been stretched and pulled in more ways that I even knew possible. And then, just recently I have been facing the sickness and loss of my dad.  In the final week of his life, things were pretty intense.  You see, my dad hasn't spoken to me much in the last four years.   Ever since my niece came to live in our home, and he found out that I am the person who broke our families "Code of silence," I have been on the outside looking in.  Don't get me wrong, I have tried to reconcile the relationship.  I asked my dad repeatedly to sit down with me and the pastor of his choosing, but he refused every time.  I have prayed consistently for God to move so that we could work things out.  So, when I got the call that he was in the hospital, I thought this might be our chance.  I hoped beyond hope that he would wake up and hug me and tell me that he loved me.  It was the perfect ending to a sad story....and I didn't mind telling God my plan!

However, as I sat and watched the life drain out of my dad, as I watched the ventilator pump each breath into his struggling lungs, my hope began to slip away.  It was harder and harder to go down each day, to face the fact that we were going to have to say goodbye with this unresolved issue between us.  And then came the critics, it was clear pretty quickly that my dad had been saying some unkind, and untruthful things about me.  Some people were outright unkind.  My sister and I chose to sit in a different waiting room to reduce the tension. I even had a gentlemen from my dad's church tell me, "I am glad you have to sit in a different waiting room, it is what you deserve."  My heart was crushed and it was harder than ever to go down to the hospital.  I knew in my head that I needed to "suck it up" but each day was harder and harder.  And that is when it happen, I woke up and started to get prepared to go to the hospital but no matter how hard I looked, I could not find my big girl panties.  All I really wanted to do was crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head, and wait for it all to just go away.   Truth be told, I didn't even want to look for my big girl panties any more.  My heart was wounded, my soul was weary, and I was done.

Have you ever been there?  What has life handed you that you cannot bear to face even one more day?  This last few days, I have had the privilege of sitting under the teaching of Rhea Brisco and I want to share with you how God helped me find my big girl panties.

You are probably aware of the story of Lazarus' resurrection from the dead, but let's revisit it for a minute.  The story can be read in John chapter 11.  As we begin the story, we see that a messenger is sent to tell Jesus that Lazarus is sick.  Let's pick up the story starting at verse 4:

⁴ When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” ⁵ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. ⁶ So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, ⁷ and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

A couple of things I want to point out here, 1- Jesus gave a promise that the end of the story was not death and 2- Jesus loved Mary. Martha, and Lazarus but he delayed 2 days before heading to attend to them.  

However, imagine being the messenger as he returns to Bethany to deliver this message, "This sickness will not end in death" but he has to deliver it over the very dead body of Lazarus.  The promise from Jesus did not seem to be true.  Mary and Martha are brokenhearted, not only did Jesus (the man who healed perfect strangers) not come to heal their brother (whom he loved) but he hadn't even showed up to mourn his loss.  These girls moved forward in their grief, they buried their brother and began the mourning process.  But then Jesus shows up John says in verse 20, "When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home."  I can't help but wonder if Mary was mad..."well now he shows up, well if he thinks I am running out to greet him he has another thing coming..." or if she just couldn't find her big girl panties.  Martha talks with Jesus and tells him that if he had only come sooner Lazarus would not have died.  And Jesus tries to explain that Lazarus will be resurrected, but Martha's reality doesn't allow her to make sense of what Jesus is saying.  Thank goodness that Jesus is not limited by our reality! 

The group moves on, and ends up outside the tomb of Lazarus.  The crowd is gathering and criticism begins flying John 11 ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

Jesus doesn't even waiver...He has a job to do and He will not allow the critics to shake Him.   He tells them to move the stone away.  Rhea pointed out that Jesus was powerful enough to just have Lazarus walk right through the tomb, without moving the stone at all, but he wanted them to take action, to walk in obedience and to roll the stone away.  The always practical Martha was quick to point out that it would stink if they rolled the stone away, after all, Lazarus had been dead for 4 days. She knew because she had put him there, and when she did she buried all hope of a healing, and all belief in the promise from Jesus that "This sickness will not end in death."   Martha wanted to believe but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, no big girl panties for her.

The end of the story is a good one, Lazarus does come strolling out of the tomb, he is covered in grave cloth but he is not stinky, he is alive!  And the hope that Martha and Mary had buried four days earlier, it has been resurrected!

Isn't that just like Jesus?  He heard their cries, he kept His promises, all in God's perfect time and in God's perfect way. Mary and Martha had told God their plan but Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a person’s heart,but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." So, if you are still struggling to find your big girl panties, trust that the God who formed you and planned your days, trust that He knows right where they are, and even better, right where you are!

My quiver is full...

I wanted to share with you that our family has been expanded once more!  On the 9th, the Lord added a sweet baby boy to our mix and, though the nights have been sleepless, I cannot stop thinking about this passage of Scripture from Psalm 127: 

³ Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.  

The only part that may not apply here is the “children born in one’s youth.”  So, though life has just gotten crazier, and busier I hope that my family is living out the truth of one of my favorite poems  

Children

Some would gather money along the paths of life

Some would gather roses and rest from earthly strife

But I would gather children from among the thorns of sin;

I would seek a golden curl and a freckled, toothless grin,

For money cannot enter into the land of endless day,

And roses that are gathered soon will wilt along the way,

But oh, the laughing children, as I cross the sunset sea,

And the gates swing wide to heaven I can take them in with me!

-Anonymous

Blessed- Marla

The Christmas Story

Had fun playing around with words and putting the Christmas story in rhyme!  Hope you enjoy!

Mary surprised
Joseph denies
Angel explains
Joseph reclaims

Couple wed
No marriage bed
Elizabeth learns
Baby turns

Now must travel
Plans unravel
No room within
Stable birth then

Angels proclaimed
Shepherds came
Name is given
Hope is livin'

A star in the east
Much awaited peace
Magi give
Prophesies live

Herod schemes
Joseph dreams
Magi tricked
Herod ticked

Escape a must
Egypt or bust
Babies die
Mothers cry


Simeon and Anna see
Fulfilled legacy
Family returns
The whole world learns

Jesus invites
Come into the light
We celebrate
Heaven's open gate

Marla Dec 2011

Just Because

What is your house like on Sunday morning?  Does your family all wake up smiling and eager to go and worship the Lord?  Does praise and kindness drip from everyone’s lips as you calmly and peacefully prepare for church? OR…… is it a little less than picture perfect?  I can tell you what my house is like on Sunday morning and it isn’t perfect!  There is a lot more grumping, whining, and yelling than there is praising.  Trying to get six children and myself all up and ready for  service is not pretty!  Therefore we usually arrive at church somewhat frazzled (at least me) and often close to tears. 

            When my husband first started in the ministry I was very self-conscious  whenever we were at church.  I was always watching my kids making sure they didn’t blow it.  Why?  Well, because it would make us look bad, of course!  Shortly after our journey into the ministry, the Lord must have decided that enough was enough.  It was a day like all others, we were already running late by the time we managed to arrive at church.  I sent my children down to Sunday school and went off to church.  When the service was over I left the sanctuary and was quickly flagged down by one of the Sunday school leaders.  I thought nothing of it and went over to see what she needed.  Well, first you have to understand a little bit about this lady.  She is the mother of one little girl.  This little girl is always dressed perfectly with ribbons or bows in her hair.  Now at the time, I was the mother of 4 children under the age of eight and three of them were girls who rarely have ribbons or bows in their hair.  In fact I was quite proud if we managed to get to church and everyone had managed to comb their hair before we arrived.  So this mother of one calls me over and proceeds to inform me that my then five year old, who had chosen to wear a dress this particular morning, was not wearing any panties.  Well I did what any mother would do, I stood there in disbelief praying for this woman to laugh or smile or give the punch line.   But there was no punch line.  As the reality of her words began to sink in I began to berate myself.  How could I not notice this?  What kind of a mother takes her kid to church without panties??  A million questions flooded my mind but they all lead to me being an absolute failure.  Why?  Because I was defining my self worth by how well my family “performed” in public.

How do you define your self worth?  Really what measure do you use?  Is it job success?  Maybe it’s a happy marriage that defines your success?  What makes you feel good about you?  Is it defined in what you do?  Or maybe I should ask who defines your self worth?  Your parents?  Husband?  Children?  Friends?

            Let’s think about that a bit.  There are many ways that we try to impress people.  We have to look our best, do our make-up just so, say just the right things.  Then we have children and they always have to look just so and behave perfectly.  The list goes on and on.  This is especially true within the realm of church.  We struggle to reveal our weaknesses for fear of what others might think of us.  We desire to be liked and accepted, to even be looked up to by those around us.  Donna Partow expressed it this way, “We want other people to look at us and say, ‘Wow, what a remarkable women.  What a remarkable Christian.  That’s wrong! People should look at us and say, ‘What a remarkable God she must serve.  If God can work through an ordinary woman like her, maybe he can work through me, too!”[1]  Remember that Paul tells us in 2^nd Corinthians 12:10, “When I am weak then I am strong.”  Why is that?  Well verse 9 of the same chapter gives us the answer.  Paul shares Christ’s words, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”  I have often heard the saying that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.  You see if we can accomplish things in our own strength then what would we need God for?  We would quickly become self reliant and not God centered.  It is when we dare to do something beyond our abilities that we begin to truly trust in God and His power.

            A few years ago I felt a strong calling to share my testimony.  I must admit I really wrestled with the whole idea.  You see no one except God and my husband had ever been allowed to peek at that part of my life.  I argued with God that people may judge me or not like me if they knew the truth about my life.  I argued that it may hurt the witness I have had up to this point.  People may be disappointed in me.  Surely God, you wouldn’t want that.  But his answer for every single excuse I had was, “My grace is sufficient for you.”  Now how can you argue with that? 

            I remember the night I sat down and wrote out my testimony.  I had read a book by Steven Curtis Chapman and his pastor Scotty Smith entitled, Speechless.  In the book Scotty Smith says something that began to work in the part of my heart that I rarely looked at, the place I stored the hurt and mistakes of my past.  He basically said that as believers there is no reason why we should feel compelled to keep secrets.  That was the extent of his comment but God used it to say much more to me.  I heard him saying that satan is the king of darkness and secrets and God is a God of light and truth.  Verses like John 8:32, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” began flooding my mind.  And then it struck me that if I continued to keep these things quiet satan would continue to have the victory.  Romans 8:28 says that “all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.”  I was not allowing God to do that.  I would not allow him to use this for His good.  That was the beginning of God working to change things within me.

One night shortly after reading Speechless I found myself wide awake at 4:30 in the morning.  I knew instantly that I was supposed to do is get up and write down my testimony.  The problem was that I was still struggling to face this issue.  So I tried to appease God by praying for everyone I know or have ever known.  It is at this point that my husband begins snoring beside me.  Now I am not talking about a soft, quiet snore but instead an earth shattering, the neighbors will be calling any minute, snore!  I am ashamed to say that I woke him up three times trying to get him to quit snoring so I could fall back asleep.  Then my son, who had gotten in bed with us, started throwing his leg over me and crowding me out of my side of the bed.  I finally gave in to the idea that the Lord was not going to allow me any rest or comfort until I got up and wrote my testimony down.  So I headed downstairs still quite reluctant.  When I got down there I decided I needed to “get in the mood” to write by listening to some praise music.  I can just picture God shaking his head at me and thinking, “What am I going to do with this girl?”  Well the praise music went on, the couch called me and finally sleep found me.  As morning came I still felt a deep tug to do this but kept myself busy.  By evening I was tired and dropped into bed looking forward to a good nights rest.  However, God was not even going to let me sleep this night and finally at about 12:30 I headed for the computer.  I sat down and my fingers began typing.  I did not even have to think.  The Lord poured the words into my head and I pounded them into my computer.  Five pages later I was finally free.  Free from all the hiding I had done, free from all the shame of poor life choices, free of the self-hatred I had built up for all those years.  I could have danced forever in that freedom!

            Of course the next step was to share my story.  That, too, has been hard.  Again the question arises, “What will people think of me?  Will people say unkind things about me?” That would be unbearable to me if I continued in my pattern of allowing others to define my worth. If I can allow myself to look through the eyes of Christ when I view my life, then I will know that the Lord can use my mistakes, my hurt to help others.  That will make it all worth it.  “All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord~! 

            So then the question arises, who should define my significance?  The answer, of course, is God for we are nothing without him.  It is not self confidence we need to pursue, for this is sinful and selfish, instead we should be in constant pursuit of what Donna Partow coined, “God confidence,” that is, who we are in Christ.  This is what makes us significant and unique.  Psalm 139 tells us that we were knit together in our mother’s womb and that the Lord knew all of our days even before they came to be.  God created each of us for a specific purpose; our lives have meaning because He gives us meaning.  Wow!

            Maybe we need to explore the question of why God loves us.  Is it because we can fulfill this purpose that we were created for?  Is it because we make good choices?  Is it because we go to church every Sunday?  Is it because we teach Sunday School or lead the choir?  Well the truth is that God loves us just because.  Because what??  Just because!.  He created us in His image.  He made us knowing full well we would need to be redeemed by His one and only son.  There is NOTHING we can do to earn his love.  Therefore there is NOTHING we can do that would cause him to stop loving us.  As I struggled through growing up I made many mistakes.  I knew what it meant to be a Christian and often I chose to disobey God.  At one point I felt that I had moved so far away from God that I had committed the unpardonable sin, that God could not love me after this.  Maybe you feel that way?  Maybe you have had an abortion?  Maybe you have been divorced?  Maybe you are struggling deeply with jealousy or lust?  Well if you have never heard this truth let me be the first to tell you, God loves you anyway.  God’s love is not based on conditions and our performance.  John 3:16 says, “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him will have everlasting life.”  That is all you have to do, believe in Jesus.  Romans 10:9 says, “If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

“You mean. someone could love us for no reason? Well they must not know what I have done, the mistakes I have made.”  That answer is found in Romans 5:8, “God demonstrated His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  In fact before you were even created God loved you and sent His son to die on a lonely cross for you.  It so goes against our thinking. We do love people based on conditions.  Think about dating.  Why did we like the other person?  Most likely because of how they made us feel or what they could offer us.  I bet if we took a long hard look at our lives we would not see too many people that we love “just because.”  So it is hard for us to fathom that someone we have never even seen could love us for no good reason.  Not only that but he would be willing to send his one and only son to come and suffer for me.  In case you aren’t convinced let’s look at one more passage.  Romans 8: 38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Why would He love us like that?  That is just crazy!  Yes, it is crazy but I am here to tell you that God is crazy, crazy about you.  Why??  Just because! 

---

[1] Partow, Donna.  Becoming A Vessel God Can Use (Minnesota: Bethany House Publishers.  1996) 79

No Room Within

            Most of us are familiar with the Christmas story and how Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem.  As you may recall, they were traveling to register because Caesar Augustus had issued a decree that everyone travel to their home town for the census.  A very pregnant Mary traveled with her husband, Joseph and arrived just in time for nightfall.  Here’s where the story gets interesting.  Joseph tries to check in at the hotel but there is no room at the inn.  Those famous words have been repeated for centuries as the Christmas story has been told and retold; and those are the words I want to focus on today.

            “No room at the inn!”  Now that is interesting.  Think of all the pomp and circumstance that a King or Queen receive.  Even here in America where we do not have monarchs that rule, we understand that they are to be celebrated.  All of us remember Princess Diana and how much she filled our news, and she was only ex-royalty.  Oh we know how to treat “important” people.  How about our president, I doubt that he goes too many places without an entourage of people to escort him.  These people are special, we celebrate them, protect them, cherish them.  If President Obama was coming to the little town of LaMoille, imagine the preparation we would do.  Room at the inn, shoot we might even build a new high class hotel to house him and “his people.”  A few years ago, the children of our church were working had on their play for Christmas.  It was called, “A King is Coming” and took place in the little town of Rumors Mill.  In the story, the people in town catch wind of the news that a king is coming and the town is set to work preparing for this important visitor. 

            

            Israel knew that a king was coming.  They should have been ready to welcome him, celebrate him, cherish him.  They should have been waiting like a child for Christmas morning, in eager expectation for His coming, but that is not at all what happened.  There were no preparations made, no celebrations, and no news reports.  In fact, most of them missed it.  A tiny baby wasn’t what they expected.  They were looking for someone with more power and certainly someone more majestic than a baby.  You know, a real king.  Most of Israel slept right through the coming of the Christ child.  Not only was there no room at the inn but there was no room in all of busy Bethlehem, save for a lowly stable.  Few people even took notice.  Perhaps the Inn Keeper muttered a “congratulations” to the new parents but no one called the mayor.  There was not a rush of visitors to the stable only a few shepherds. There is Casting Crowns song that puts it this way, “O little town of Bethlehem, looks like another silent night.  Above your deep and dreamless sleep a giant star lights up the sky.  While you’re lying in the dark, there shines an everlasting light, for the King has left His throne and is sleeping in a manger tonight…O Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping.  For God became a man and stepped into your world today.  O Bethlehem, you will go down in history as a city with no room for its King…” 

            

            Wow, they missed it big time.  Good thing we aren’t like them, right?  Or are we?  This question is two fold.  First let’s look at this Christmas season.  The time has come once again to celebrate the birth of our Savior.  How much time have we spent celebrating that?  Have we been too busy buying gifts, decorating, baking, etc. to stop and celebrate this King?  Has Jesus come only to find that there is “No room Within?” 

           

           Now the second part of the question focuses on the promise that this very same Savior will come again.  Like Israel, we have read the prophesies.  We know that this same King is coming again.  The truth has been told and retold for generations.  We should be waiting in hopeful expectation for His return.  But are we ready?  When He comes will He find that we still have no room within?  The final verse to the Casting Crowns song goes like this, “United States of America, looks like another silent night.  As we’re sound asleep by philosophies of save the trees and kill the children.  While we’re lying in the dark there’s a shout heard across the eastern skies.  For the Bridegroom has returned and He’s carried his bride away in the night…America what will we miss while we are sleeping?  Will Jesus come again and leave us slumbering where we lay?  America, will we go down in history as a nation with no room for its King?” 

                                                                                     

Consistent

As I took a walk this morning I was struck by an encouraging thought.  It occurred to me how incredible consistent the Lord is.  Every morning the sun is there to greet us and each evening the moon lulls us to sleep.  Every spring the grass greens up and the flowers start budding.  Summer always brings warmth and beauty from the ashes of winter. God is a faithful father, a consistent and reliable father.  Oh how I long to be that kind of parent to my children.  To say what I mean and mean what I say, to never break a promise or fail to be consistent in anyway.  Lord that is my prayer today.  Please help me to be consistent with my children so that they know what to expect from me.

            I wonder if that is why we get complacent.  Is it because we just expect the sun to rise? What if we woke up one morning and the sun didn’t rise??  What if spring never came to chase winter away?  I bet it wouldn’t take us long to begin grumbling and questioning God.  Why is it we often only notice the blessings when they are gone?  Maybe that is why sometimes things don’t go as WE plan.  How many of us have heard the stories of how a near death experience awoke someone to the everyday blessings in their lives.  How that kept them from taking these things for granted. But is it that God has failed to be consistent when someone gets sick or passes away too soon from this earth?  No, God never promised that life would be fair or that there would be smooth sailing.  He only promises to comfort those who mourn, to love us unconditionally, and to never give up on us.  And of course He sent His one and only son to bring us the promise of an everlasting life, should we choose to accept.

          As we head into this Thanksgiving season, will you join me in thanking God for the things we might have been taking for granted?  

                                                                                   

Watch Your Words

Have you ever noticed how quick people are to speak and how slow they are to listen?  I even find myself doing this all the time with my kids.  They start to tell me something and I interrupt to "correct" their thinking, without ever really listening to what they had to say, or to see if their thinking even needed correcting.  Maybe it comes from thinking I am wiser than them and I have some sort of need to share that wisdom, but the truth is a truly wise person rarely speaks!  The book of Proverbs is full of verses that tell us things like, "Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." (Proverbs 17:28) and "The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves, but a fool's heart blurts out folly."  Proverbs 12:23 Ouch!


Recently, my husband and I have been on the other side of the advice cart.  We have been receiving loads of advice, and honestly, most of it is not helpful.  You see, we are expecting another child.  Not in the traditional sense, as I am not pregnant, but a sibling to my niece and nephew (whom are in our custody) is about to be born and we have been asked to consider taking the child in.  For us, this means child number 7, and I know that it seems crazy to even think about.  My husband and I are not rich. He is a pastor and I am an unemployed teacher.  However, we live in a house that is overflowing with love and acceptance, and isn't that what children really need?  We have sat down and talked as a family, we have prayed about the decision before us, and then we made it.  From the outside looking in, it may not seem like a wise decision. 

What I am learning is that there is a difference between wise words and helpful words.  There are a lot of well meaning people who say things like, "You guys have no business taking in another child." and "There are plenty of other foster homes this baby could go to."  And in truth, there is some wisdom in their words.  However, their words are not helpful.   The decision has been made.  On the other hand do you know how many offers I have had for someone to come help with laundry or cooking or cleaning or any other type of support we might need?  There have been some, but I can count them on one hand.

I am not saying all of these things to make anyone feel bad, but I am hoping to wake all of us up, me included.  We can see a situation from the outside and think we have all the answers, but the truth is, unless we know all of the details, we probably don't have all of the answers.  I was the best parent in the world BEFORE I actually had kids!  Now, I have more questions than answers! 

I have a friend who has been going through some life changes due to circumstances beyond her control.  She lost her job and has decided, to return to school and get a degree in a different area.  She recently shared with me some of the hurtful comments people have made to her regarding her decision.  Now I bet if we asked those people, they would be surprised to hear that their words caused her pain.  The intent of their words was to help but the effect of their words was pain.

The truth is your words are either a blessing or a curse...they cannot be both.  They either bring life, or they bring death.  So the next time you go to speak, stop and think about what effect your words are going to have.  God gave us 2 ears and only 1 mouth!

In the wise words of James (1:19) "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak..."