In the Midst of Darkness

Have you ever been in absolute darkness?  The kind that is so thick that you are afraid to take a step in any direction?  Where, no matter how hard you try, your eyes will not adjust?  That is where I seem to be standing these days.

I think that it is fear that has brought this darkness.  Fear of what lies ahead, fear of the what if's and the how's.  For almost six years now, my family and I have been on a journey.  The road has been long, and often times treacherous, but never has it seemed as dark as it has in these last 2 months.  In November  of this year, we were suppose to be celebrating the end of this journey, or at the very least a significant marker toward the end.  Instead, our entire world was flipped upside down and everything we thought we saw God doing seem to have slipped away. I am afraid that God is not writing the story the way I wanted it written.

A few weeks ago, in the midst of this disorienting darkness, God reminded me that it is faith and not fear that should govern my days.  I was at church with my family teaching Wednesday night Bible study.  I had just started the DVD when my 6 year old asked for a drink.  Not wanting to disturb everyone else, I grabbed her hand and led her out of the sanctuary and into the next room.  I did not want to turn on the light as I was afraid it would be a distraction.  So we walked hand and hand through the darkness toward the kitchen.  In her sweet gentle voice my daughter spoke, "Mommy I am scared."

I responded, "Honey, there is nothing to worry about.  I have your hand and I have walked this path a million times.  I do not need a light to find my way."

"But Mommy, I don't know how to get to there in the dark."

"Sweetheart, I do.  You just need to trust me.  I know where we are going and I would never let you go somewhere that isn't safe."

She squeezed my hand and skipped along beside me as we continued our journey toward the kitchen, with complete faith that I would get her safely where she needed to go.

And then it hit me...God and I had been having this exact conversation,

"God, I am scared."

"Beloved, there is nothing to worry about.  I have your hand and I have walked this path a million times. I am the light in the midst of this darkness."

"But God, I don't know how to get to there in the dark."

"Sweet daughter of mine, I do.  You just need to trust me.  I know where we are going and I would never let you go somewhere that isn't safe."

And now the choice was up to me.  Would I respond with child like faith or would I continue to drag my feet along the path, lost and confused in my fear? Really this is a daily choice we all must make.  Life is full of uncertainties and unfamiliar, dark paths.  As I think back on some of my heroes in the Bible, I am certain they were faced with this very same choice.  Would Abraham stay in his homeland for fear of what lie ahead in the unknown?  Would Joseph, kick and scream and demand justice in the midst of uncertainty and the darkness of family betrayal?  Would Mary hide in fear when the angel came to tell her she had been chosen for this unimaginable miracle?  Well, each of these people stepped forward in faith rather than allowing themselves to be ruled by fear.

Makes me think of the Scripture I memorized as a little girl from Psalm 23 verses 4-6, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.  Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!"

So today, at least right now for this moment, I am choosing to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7), because I know that, even though it is dark, God will not let go of my hand and He has walked this road before.  If you, like me, find yourself in the midst of darkness I hope you will join me.

Praying with you, Marla