Never Enough

I don't know, maybe it is just a mom thing?  Almost every night when I crawl into to bed, I look back at my day and think things like, "I should have read that book with Skyler." or "Oh, I promised Kz a bike ride." or, "I should have made a healthier supper, should have swam with the kids, should have asked my husband about his meeting, should have called that friend who is struggling...." The list goes on and on and I go to bed with hopes of doing better the next day.  Some how I always feel as if the things I have done quite simply, aren't enough.

I guess if I was honest, this is something I have struggled with most of my days, long before I became a mom.  "I could have gotten a better grade on that."  "I should have have helped my mom with the dishes."  "I should have prayed more, spoken kinder, helped more..."  So maybe it is just a girl thing?  Or is it just a human kind thing?

I was having one of those nights a few days ago.  I was climbing into bed and had to clear off a coloring book and crayons when I remembered that Sky had asked me to color a picture with her while I was making supper.  Instantly my heart was saddened to think I had missed this opportunity.  I know how quickly childhood flows by.  I am reminded everyday as August approaches and my oldest "baby" is planning on heading off to college.  I should know better... Well halfway through my usual self repulsive rant, this song by Tenth Avenue North came on the radio.  The title is, "You Are More," and here are some of the lyrics:


There's a girl in the cornerWith tear stains on her eyesFrom the places she's wanderedAnd the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?I'm not who I once was.And I'm crippled by the fearThat I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,What's been done for you?Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,You are more than the problems you create,You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe itThat she's been given new lifeBut she can't shake the feelingThat it's not true tonight

She knows all the answersAnd she's rehearsed all the linesAnd so she'll try to do betterBut then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,You are more than the problems you create,You've been remade...

'Cause this is not about what you've done,But what's been done for you.This is not about where you've been,But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,But what He felt to forgive you,And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,You are more than the problems you create,You've been remade...


It was as if Jesus Himself came and sat on my bed to sing me this song!  I realized that it isn't about all that I have or haven't done. It IS about what Jesus has done FOR me, not BECAUSE of my actions...I am enough because I could never be enough.  Does that make sense to anyone but me?!  It is true that I have shortcomings, but then that was the whole reason God sent HIS son in the first place, to redeem an unredeemable people, me included! After all 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  and Paul, the writer of Corinthians, goes on to say, "Therefore I will boast all the more glady about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  
So the next time the "Never Enoughs" come looking for me at bedtime, I am going to boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.....well I am going to try anyway!  
If you want to hear the song by Tenth Avenue North, here is a link,    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgi-G-dHYkY&feature=share